Battle Royale
by Klowee von Karma
Summary: Phoenix and Maya enter a paintball laser tag contest with surprising results.


"What crazy thing are we doing this time, Maya?" Phoenix asked as Maya dragged him along.

"We're playing Paint-Laser-Ball-Tag to win a tournament I saw on TV," Maya replied. Phoenix sighed. That did not sound fun or easy.

"What's the prize?" he inquired grudgingly.

"Free burgers for one whole year from this place! Isn't it incredible?" Maya responded dreamily. "But we can't win if we're not there on time, so hurry up!"

_That would save us around $60,000... _Phoenix thought as he walked slightly quicker.

"Are you sure you want to wear your suit, Nick? It'll get covered in paint."

"It's the only thing in my closet!" _That fits, anyway…_

"Your loss, then," Maya said. "I made sure Pearly stayed in Kurain and everything so she wouldn't be hurt."

"How did you convince her to do that?" Phoenix asked, shocked.

"I explained it was something "special someones" do when they need some alone time." Phoenix made a face. "What, Nick?"

"Nothing." _Except for the fact that you enforced the ridiculous notion that we're in love when we're not...Wait. Does she love me? Nah. That can't happen, _Phoenix thought.

_Why is he giving me such a weird look? I didn't mean anything by it. It was the only way to get Pearly to leave us alone, _Maya thought as they very non-romantically walked into the huge arcade.[

Wow, Nick! Look at this line. Looks like everybody wants to join the tournament," Maya said.

"Hey, pal," Gumshoe said excitedly. "Guess what? Edgeworth is going to be my partner! Not only that, he's paying for us to play. He' "s such a nice man."

"Indeed," Edgeworth said, clearly bored. "Wright, I'm only here because Gumshoe begged me to take him."

"Yeah, I figured as much. Same goes for me. Well-except you know-with Maya instead of Gumshoe," he added hastily. Then, he heard some commotion from the desk.

"Sir, a cup of coffee doesn't count as a partner," a familiar voice said.

"That voice...Will?" Phoenix asked.

"What kind of place is this?" Godot asked as he chugged his coffee. "Not allowing a man and his cup of Joe to enjoy themselves. You know, I think you would like to try this."

"I'm sorry, but I don't drink coffee," Will replied.

"You...Don't...Drink...COFFEE?!" Godot shouted, infuriated as he threw his Godot blend 275 at Will, who didn't have any time to get out of the way.

_Oh, geez... _Phoenix thought, remembering how Godot used to do that to him.

"...I'm afraid I'll have to disqualify you..." Will said. "What's a poor, underpaid actor supposed to do in this situation?'

"I'll pay for two people. That ought to be enough to make up for it. Right, Trite?" Godot asked Phoenix. _How did he even know I was here?_

"Um...Yes?"

"Okay," Will said, letting Godot beyond the counter. Phoenix gulped as the VonKarmas walked up next.

_Poor Will..._ he thought.

"You two are together? That means you'd pay...$21.50" Will said to the VonKarmas.

"What is this foolishly foolish fool so foolishly saying? Twenty-one fifty isn't a perfect amount to spend on a perfect game!"

"We'll pay you exactly $20," Manfred said.

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't accept that..."

"Let us pass," Manfred interrupted, snapping his finger for emphasis. "NOW!"

"I can't," Will said pathetically. The following scene was horribly graphic, so I can't get into any details. Let's just say Will was transported to the hospital in an ambulance truck...Everyone was disappointed the tournament had to be on hold for a while... "Ooh, la la. Who else wants to participate in ze competition?" Armstrong asked.

_This is who they found to replace Will? Surely they could do better than that, _Phoenix thought. Why must _the writer of this fanfiction torture me this way? _Phoenix got pinched by Maya.

"Ow!" he screamed.

"Quit breaking the fourth wall, Nick. Now pay up so we can enter the contest," Maya whispered in Phoenix's ear.

"Oh, right...How much?"

"For you, sir...I'm afraid you can't enter ze competition. Non," Armstrong said.

"Whaaaaaaat?! Why?" Phoenix asked.

"Since zat trial, I have been fired. I have never been hurt so much before. Non!"

"Um...I'm sorry? But...I mean, it's not a huge loss..."

"How could you say zat? Nooooon!" Armstrong screamed, crying as he ran away. The competition was postponed again until they got someone else to work the counter...

"Can you believe how long it took to finally get our equipment, Nick?" Maya asked.

"No," Phoenix replied, trying to put the camouflage shirt and pants over his suit. _What's the point of even wearing this? _

"Anyway, looks like we'll be starting off in the forest area. Are you ready yet?"

"Almost," Phoenix responded, putting on the over-sized laser tag belt and picking up his paintball gun. He sighed.

"Come on, Nick. Let's go," Maya said, dragging Phoenix to the forest area of the enormous arena. "This is wear we start. Now, aim at someone. Go for an easy target. Like Gumshoe!"

_Should I be scared that she can strategize like that? _Phoenix thought as he readied his paintball gun at Gumshoe's big head.

"Begin!" someone announced through the megaphone. Phoenix pulled the trigger...

"Ow! Hey, pal!" Gumshoe screamed after getting hit in the back of the head with a paintball. "Why would you do that?'

"Yeah, Nick. How could you?" Maya asked angrily.

"Y-you told me to," Phoenix replied.

"Well, if she told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it, pal?!" Gumshoe huffed.

"Well...I _did _try to cross a burning bridge for her..."

"Uh...That's true, pal," Gumshoe said, deflated. Until, of course, he got hit by two more paintballs, one square in the chest and the other in the center of his forehead. He fell over.

"Hahaha!" Franziska laughed evilly. "It was all worth it to see that foolishly foolish fool fall so foolishly."

"I agree, those shots were worthy of the VonKarma name," Manfred said before snapping his fingers for emphasis. "Perfect!"

"Watch it, Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey. You're next," Franziska warned. "After, of course, we annihilate the team by getting Miles Edgeworth." The VonKarmas left, arm in arm.

"Ow..." Gumshoe grumbled.

"I think you should wait in the building, Gumshoe. Let's hope Edgeworth can handle himself..." Phoenix said.

"Trite!" Godot yelled. "I've been waiting for this moment for years, and now I can finally hit you with a paintball and a laser at the same time with no consequences. You'll feel as bitter as my Godot blend 108."

"You can't do that, Godot," Maya piped up.

"And why not?"

"Because..." Maya said, but then Godot didn't see her. He saw Mia. "I love you, Diego."

"No!" Godot screamed, dropping his paintball shooter and laser tag gun.

"Nick...What's wrong with him?" Maya asked.

"I don't know. Let's keep moving," Phoenix responded. "We don't have to do anything to him." Phoenix and Maya then started walking further into the forest area. Deep in the forest area, Phoenix and Maya stood back-to-back, seeing if anyone was around. The trees were hard to see through, which made them the perfect place to hide. Phoenix grabbed Maya, and looked. He saw Edgeworth, crouched into a tree, aiming right at her belt with his laser gun.

"Edgeworth!" Phoenix shouted, hurriedly. "I love you!"

"What?!" Edgeworth asked, shocked just before falling out of the tree. Phoenix laughed at his friend's peril. He walked over to the lying down Edgeworth.

"Are you okay?" he asked between laughs.

"Wright, Gumshoe has been kicked out of the competition for getting hit too many times. I have to do my best to make up for it," Edgeworth replied. "And you laugh at me and make jokes." Phoenix put his hand behind his head, embarrassed.

"Edgeworth," Maya said. "I'm sorry. Why don't you join us? That way, we can knock out the rest of the competition so it will be just us against you. No matter which of us wins, we'll split the prize. What do you say?"

"Indeed, pairing up is probably my best option at this point."

"Wait! I never agreed to this!" Phoenix interjected. Both Maya and Edgeworth glared at him. "Okay, I agree." Edgeworth smirked and Maya smiled.

"Then let's go. We'll take on the VonKarmas first!" Maya decided enthusiastically, dragging both Phoenix and Edgeworth toward the clearing.

"Wright...Were you...serious?" Edgeworth asked uncomfortably.

"Um...No," Phoenix replied. "Wait! ...No."

"...Good," Edgeworth said after a pause. Phoenix saw the slightest hint of sadness on Edgeworth's face.

"Noooo!" the VonKarmas screamed in unison as they got blasted with painbtballs and lasers.

"Looks like the VonKarma team has been defeated!" a random announcer said.

"How could we lose to such MORONS?!" Franziska asked, obviously extremely angry since she didn't use any form of the word, "fool" for the whole question.

"Grr...I need to taser something," Manfred said, grabbing Franziska by the arm and saying something about target practice for her whip in an effort to comfort her. Meanwhile, Phoenix, Maya, and Edgeworth were all laughing at the VonKarmas' demise.

"Who knew ambushing people with paintballs and lasers could be so fun?" Phoenix asked between laughs. Maya suddenly stopped laughing and got a serious look on her face, a side of her that Phoenix has only seen when Maya played various video games usually featuring the Steel Samurai.

"Good work, team," she said. "But this isn't over yet. Now we must move to the harsh desert area in order to take out the next team."

"What next team?" Phoenix asked.

"We have taken down our biggest threat. Now we must focus on the weaker teams. Larry's team is in the desert, and neither he nor his date are good at aiming. As long as we split up and attack them from three different sides, we can beat them easily," Maya replied. "Unless either of you has a problem with that."

"Um...Let me think..." Phoenix said. "...Nope! No problems here!"

"I'm perfectly fine with that," Edgeworth stated. Maya's face lit up.

"Great! Let's go!"

_Should I be concerned that she likes plotting the demise of another team? _Phoenix thought as he followed Edgeworth and Maya to the desert area. Phoenix, Maya, and Edgeworth surrounded their prey, armed with their trusty paintball guns and laser shooters. Larry Butz was casually strolling through the desert area with some blond lady none of them knew. Maya nodded her head and all three of them shot at once, hitting the blond lady on both sides of her head and on the center of the forehead with paintballs, and then directly in laser belt with a laser. She fell over, screaming, "Why did you bring me to this thing, you dumbass?! I hate you!"

"No, not my Lemon Pie! Whyyyy?!" Larry screeched over dramatically while making his angry face that made his teeth look ten times sharper than they really were. Then, he saw Phoenix and Edgeworth each aiming their paintball guns at him.

"Nick! Edgey! How could you? I'm your friend, aren't I?" Streams of tears were pouring out of his enormous eyes. Both Phoenix and Edgeworth faltered, not sure what to do next. Then, Larry fell forward, green paint smeared on the back of his head. As he fell, Phoenix and Edgeworth saw Maya, holding her paintball gun. It was clear she was the one who finished the job.

"Come on. Let's go!" Maya said enthusiastically. Neither Phoenix or Edgeworth moved. "What?"

"Maya..." Phoenix started choking up. "He...Was our friend..."

"I know, Nick, but you'll have to get over it. Both of you," Maya stated. "That's just the cost of winning. The end justifies the means."

"Besides, he wasn't that great of a friend, Wright. Let's go," Edgeworth said, grabbing Phoenix and dragging him along.

"I believe there are only two teams left. One in the mountains, and one in an open field. I say we go to the mountains first. It's the best place strategically."

The three of them walked over two the mountains...

The Skye sisters were casually walking along, Ema telling Lana all about the various scientific theories she read about that day and Lana pretending to listen. Just then, there was a rustle in the bushes, but they didn't notice because they were on the mountain. They heard screaming and yelling, and then...Nothing.

"Strange," Ema said, momentarily forgetting about the theory she was just explaining. "Do you get this ominous feeling in the pit of your stomach, scientifically speaking?"

"Yes," Lana replied. Then, she heard a clicking sound, like a trigger being pulled. "Look out!" she screamed, tackling Ema out of the way and getting shot with a couple paintballs on her way down. She was on top of Ema, protecting her.

"Lana? What's going on?" Ema asked, terrified as she tried to get her older sister off her. Then, she got hit on the top of the head with one of Maya's signature green paintballs. The sisters both screamed, and Lana got off Ema, allowing them both to run away. Maya laughed as they left, but then turned around and glared at Phoenix.

"A little reinforcement would have been nice," she said angrily.

"S-sorry," Phoenix stuttered. "It's just...I remembered them. That case...When you were away. The little one with the pink sunglasses is called, "Ema." She was my temporary assistant while you were gone...I just couldn't bring myself to shoot at her..."

"It's okay, Nick! Just never do that again," Maya said. "Now, our next targets are in the plains." The group made their way down the mountain and to the plains area, but nothing would prepare them for what would happen next. The group of three ducked under a hill, trying not to be seen by the other team. Little did they realize they were too late. They were hatching a plan to annihilate them already. The fact that the group willingly walked in their mist was just the icing on the cake.

"Okay, guys. There is probably a reason this team lasted so long," Maya whispered. "Be careful."

"Feenie?" Iris asked. Phoenix whipped around to see her and Pearl arm-in-arm.

"I-Iris..." Phoenix stuttered, stunned.

"What are you doing here with Pearly?" Maya asked. "This place is dangerous!"

"Sorry, Master Mystic Maya. I wanted to come visit you and Mr. Nick. Then I remembered you told me you had "special someone" stuff to take care of. Iris decided to take me here and wait. What are you two doing here? This isn't romantic!" Phoenix blushed scarlet. Maya's jaw dropped.

"I'm hit!" Iris screamed, playfully. It was true. Edgeworth hit her in the belt with a laser. Iris grabbed her belt and fell to the ground as if she was performing a play or something.

"N-No! Not Ms. Iris!" Pearl shouted. She pulled out her laser shooter, aiming it at Maya, who aimed hers at Pearl. They both shot at the same time. The lasers hit the belts at the same time. both were officially eliminated from the tournament.

"Mr. Nick! How could you?" Pearl asked, smacking Phoenix right behind the knee. He buckled.

"Ow! What did I do?"

"You let Master Mystic Maya get taken out of the tournament! How could you?" Pearl inquired furiously.

"Well...I..." Phoenix replied, not sure how to answer.

"I'll handle this, Wright," Edgeworth said. "Pearl, Wright wasn't thinking straight."

"Why not?"

"Because he was so taken with how beautiful she looked, he couldn't do anything. Not even think," Edgeworth replied readily.

"Really? Mr. Nick, is that the truth?" Pearl asked.

"Yes, it is," Phoenix lied. "Edgeworth knows me."

"Okay, then I forgive you," Pearl said. "Let's go back to the rest area, you guys." Maya, Iris, and Pearl all left.

"Edgeworth...Thank you," Phoenix stated.

"It was nothing, Wright," Edgeworth responded. _Because that's how I feel about her. He pointed his paintball gun at Phoenix. "Now it's time to decide who the victor is." _

_"Edgeworth, I..."_

_"You don't understand, Wright. I don't need this. Gumshoe does. He eats nothing but instant noodles, and can never afford to go out. I think this would be great for him," Edgeworth interrupted. _

_"Part of this competition is being willing to lose," Phoenix said. "...Go ahead, Edgeworth. You'll never get a cleaner shot."_

_"Wright..."_

_"Trite!" Godot interrupted, his paintball gun touching the back of Phoenix's head. "I've been waiting for this moment." Edgeworth creeped out of Phoenix's field of vision._

_"Godot! I thought you stopped after..." Phoenix said. _

_"Wrong, Trite! I merely waited until Maya was away from you. I have only one sip of my perfect cup of coffee left, Trite! I think I'll drink it once I have disposed of you." Phoenix heard a trigger being pulled, and fell forward, hearing the splat of paint. He quickly felt the back of his head, but there was nothing except his spikes with enough hair products in them to sink a ship. He rolled over and looked up. One side of Godot's face was covered in red paint. _

_"Get up, Wright," Edgeworth said. "I have an idea on how we could both win."_

_"E-Edgeworth," Phoenix stuttered. "You didn't have to..." _

_"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I will get you, Trite! Mark my words!" Godot shouted before going back to the rest area. _

_"I did, Wright. So we could do this properly," Edgeworth said, ignoring Godot's screams. _

_"Right..." Phoenix knew what Edgeworth was getting at. He pointed his paintball gun at Edgeworth, who had his trained on Phoenix. _

_"One," Edgeworth said. _

_"Two," Phoenix responded. _

_"Three!" they both shouted in unison, pulling their triggers. They were both covered in paint at the exact same time. Much to their dismay, since they both won, they each only got one free burger each._


End file.
